Stages of Grief/Mourning Part 2

     Last month I listed the stages of grief/mourning. This time I thought I would briefly explain each for a better understanding:

1. Shock and Denial - Whether the loss is sudden or expected, a person is rarely prepared for the event.  Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.  It may last for hours, days or months.  Denial is a "kissin' cousin" to shock.  In order to avoid the pain, we deny the loss.  Most folks don't like change, so denial is a good way to avoid these changes.  Unfortunately, the longer you deny the loss, the longer you avoid facing grief.
2. Guilt and Pain - Guilt is a genuine phase of grieving/mourning.  Often people go down the "what if" list hoping that if they had changed one thing, the loss would have never occurred.  Pain creeps in after the shock wears off.  Sometimes the pain is agonizing and almost unbearable.  It is important to experience the pain fully and not avoid it through drugs and alcohol.
3. Anger and Bargaining - Anger may surface because of feelings of powerlessness and frustration.  We may feel anger toward the person or event because they caused us to be in this situation.  You may feel angry with God because of the ill-timed loss.  You may, also, be angry at yourself.  Bargaining can occur before or after the loss.  Before the loss you may bargain with God to keep your loved one alive or your house and you'll do whatever; such as, stop smoking, drinking, etc.  Bargaining after the loss is a defense mechanism and momentarily comforts some people as they ease into the truth of the situation.
4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness - During this time we may close ourselves off from social interactions and may place ourselves in isolation.  Feelings of sadness and mild depression may be a part of our lives.  We recognize that the change is permanent and reflect on the things we used to do.  Loneliness settles in and we may have feelings of emptiness and despair.
5. The Upward Turn - You are adjusting to your new life without your loved one or job in your life.  You feel calmer and the depression seems to be lifting somewhat.  Your physical symptoms, i.e. loss of appetite, insomnia, aches and pains, are not as severe.  
6. Reconstruction & Working Through - As your mind becomes clearer, you become more efficient.  You are capable of solving problems, whether they are practical or financial.  You are reconstructing yourself and your life.
7. Acceptance and Hope - When we come to this, we acknowledge the situation for what it is.  We accept the loss and the reality of the situation.  We start looking forward and plan things for the future.  We anticipate some good things to come and even find joy again in our lives.

     Please remember that these stages are not sequential; you may experience some in any order.  The important thing is to embrace each phase and work through them.  Give yourself permission to mourn, so you may live and love again.

Namaste