In keeping with the grief/mourning theme from last month's blog, I thought I'd list the stages of grief/mourning. Dr. Alan Wolfelt calls them "dimensions", which means "an extension in a given direction." I agree with his terminology, but for the sake of familiarity, I'll stick with "stages."
With most lists each step is orderly; a natural progression from one step to the other. With grief/mourning there is no order, except I do feel that we all initially experience Shock and Denial to some degree when a loss occurs in our lives. Therefore, as you read this list, please do not feel you move to each stage in order. People may experience some or all of the stages in no particular order because each has their own personal history. The 7 stages are:
- Shock and Denial
- Guilt and Pain
- Anger and Bargaining
- Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
- The Upward Turn
- Reconstruction & Working Through
- Acceptance and Hope
Again, let me reiterate, please construe the stages loosely. You may experience some or all of the stages in no particular order and, possibly, some stages twice. As they say in Pirates of the Caribbean, "they're just guidelines." There is no absolute end point or timetable for this process. The degree to which we are affected varies individually and depends on how deeply we feel the loss. Dr. Wolfelt states "To lesson your hurt, you must embrace it. As strange as it may seem, you must make it your friend." Give yourself permission to mourn. As you process your grief, you will continue to change and grow on a personal level.
In future blogs, I will be explaining each of the stages so they can be better understood. Listing them was just the beginning!
In Stephen Levin's book Who Dies? he says "Krishna left a road map, Buddha left a road map, Jesus left a road map, Rand McNally left a road map. But still you have to travel the road yourself." I encourage you to embrace the pain, travel the road, so you can live and love again.
Namaste
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